What is gold even good for?
In history it’s been used for currency so it’s worth a lot of money just through its economic history, or so I am told on Nupedia, the free online encylopedia.
(Yeah, I talked a lot about how I didn’t need a computer that much when I was without one for like three months, but honestly, having this dude at home for me to look stuff up on is extremely useful. I kind of enjoy computers when I investigate cases, but shhh don’t tell anyone.)
Gold’s main monetary worth for thousands of years seems to be based on an accidental spread just because it’s a little rare and a little shiny. There doesn’t seem to be much of any other reason I can see. But wow, gold really took over. People fought wars over it. Explorers searched across the globe for it. Alchemists tried desperately to turn lead into it. Here in Georgia, just for gold that didn’t really exist, the old United States invaded the Cherokee Nation forced its people to relocate a thousand miles away. Thousands died in that march—the Trail of Tears.
So many lives ruined over this useless shiny metal.
Useless, that is, until recently.
That’s when the monolithic integrated circuit came into play. The computer microchip. The late forties saw these nifty little devices explode onto the scene thanks to whatever cool researchers happened to create them, and the rest is history (literally). A couple decades later and we had personal computers, robots, and all sorts of other “smart” technology. The world went from standing in the smoking ruins of the Second World War to basking in the clean, metallic glory of the modern age.
And that’s all thanks to gold. It turns out that those rare, shiny rocks we’d been digging up for so long are really good conductors of electricity. It turns out that all those places conquered, all those people killed were done for more than just a stupid rock; it was done for the advancement of human progress. Apparently.
But who am I to judge my ancestors and everyone involved in the horrific trades that made us? After all, I’m using a computer right NOW. I’m literally, at this very second, using a quantifiable amount of gold every single second.
So, in a way, I, just like you reading this right now, am responsible for Mighty Slammer’s criminal actions. The entire gold industry and all the horrible mining practices I’m sure go on to this very day exists just to serve us and our modern lifestyle.
What I want to know, then, is what Mighty Slammer is actually doing with this gold. Is she taking it to melt it down and sell it off? Is she funneling it to some underground factories building death machines like those scrapped Sakaguchi Knights from back in June?
I’ve spent the last few hours searching for answers to this question, and so far nothing much has come of it. And, as an almost impossibly perfectly timed distraction, I now see a notification on my Netnect profile—a message.
It’s Amy Hawthorne…
Holo4EverAmy has sent me a message. Six of them in a row, in fact.
i see youre online so dont think im stupid
this is important
this is amy your best friend remember
Oh hi amy, how are you…….
send me a vid
idk im bored send me a vid
i need to satiate my boredom
help a girl out
do something good in your life for once
Do you really think i want to help you more when you insult me…
My name is Morgan, no nicknames
Ill find something.
Just wait a second
Itll be good
ive waited at least thirty seconds now
ur lucky im so generous bc otherwise id have left your ass
morgan is a loser say what
jk ofc you arent a loser bc you never were in the game
its all a game see
were all players and npcs
and im a player yeah
but not all of us are players
youre an npc is what im saying
……….morgan…….. youre making me punctuate.
i never punctuate.
Ok here it is, Pepsiman:
Do you like it?
its terrible but i love it
where the hell did you find this
The internet is a weird place…
Some days your searching for bad guys and you find pepsiman
Other days your finding weird facts about gold and then a teen girl insults you…….
god youre trying to segway into some shit you want to rope me into
im smarter than you think
just generally smarter than you
Geez no i was just talking.
but Yeah im doing a big case again, wanna help?
Its about gold and that cool new villain mighty slammer
A big mystery where all that ascendants stuff might be important again
i helped you out before bc i was a right generous bitch
and bc the holos all helped
but that shits not important now
i got stuff to do and ppl to see
mysteries are for privileged white folks w time to kill
i bet ur mystery can be solved in like five seconds
the answer is
its not some big grand conspiracy with a bunch of puppet masters
its a series of stupid accidents
idiots with idiot plans who just happen to cross over
thats all life is
one day youll be wise like me and figure that out
maybe youll get a tenth of my wisdom
That was terrible advice but i think you gave me something to stew on
send me over netnect pay
i need sun chips rn
Im not sending money.
oh then bye
you made me more bored than before
…And then Amy logs off Netnect completely.
Honestly, even though she was just trying to insult me and throw me off my usually extremely clever bantering game, I think she’s given me a hunch. It’s an extremely obvious hunch, but it’s a new lead I can investigate on pretty easily, and tomorrow even.
If grand conspiracies are always a lot more simple than they appear, then this very simple conspiracy probably has an important point I can investigate: Tony with an “ah!” The thought hadn’t even occurred to me until now, but I bet she’s got some info I can exploit.
Thank you so much, Amy, for your accidental brilliance.
(I hear her insult me through the psychic realm.)